Sunday, October 19, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 19 - Why God?


The stuff of nightmares, I tell you! (Near my exit.)
 Dear God,

I love my new city, you know I do. I have been babbling on and on about how thankful I am for my gorgeous new home, swimming pool, beautiful scenery and of course my delight at being close to my new grandson. 

Have you and my blog readers been waiting for the complaints to begin? It couldn't ALL be good, could it? 

Since You asked, I am pretty confused about one aspect of this big move we have made to a new state and new city. WHY am I now living in a crazy-busy traffic area when I have always been a fearful driver?

Back in California we lived in a small town with a population of  18,660. I worked in the next biggest town over with a population of 93,899. Sadly, even in those towns I avoided the freeway and always drove on the back roads to get back and forth. If  I had to use the freeway, I prayed for easy merging on and off. 

I'm in the middle of this mess.
 NOW I find myself in a city with a population of  183,372!!! 

The main adjustments that have been tough for me have not been the difference between California and Texas....it has been the HUGE change from RURAL to URBAN living. This is not a big city as in sky scrapers and such, (though we are only 15 minutes from Dallas and sky scrapers and such) but 183,372 is a LOT OF PEOPLE and a ton of traffic. Shopping is very different, crowds and long lines and even longer drives every where. So not used to this!!

My current exit for home. AACK!!
What am I doing here? Why am I living in my driving nightmare?  You have helped me overcome many deep rooted fears in my life. And I hate to admit that this move has set me back in the driving fear. The normal roads around here seem to suddenly become a freeway with 8 lanes and turns every which way! There is no way to pull over and gather my nerves when I get stressed and panicky. The drivers are very aggressive and fast with no patience for confused newcomers. 

My former exit for home. So simple!
I need You God. I am thankful that my community around my neighborhood provides all I need for food or clothing shopping, libraries, hair salons and even movie theaters. So I can do what I need to do without getting on the dreaded freeways. But I cannot go see my kids and my grandchild by myself. I feel silly and foolish about that, but there it is. At some point I know that I will make myself  take that 30 minute drive on the freeway. It will happen. But for now....nope. Not yet. I know that the visit would be a tense one because I would be conscious of having to make the return trip home. (Really don't know if I am going to hit publish on this vulnerable post.) I wish I were braver.....


CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God
I love you Father,
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Friday, October 17, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 17 - Creative Creator

Bodega Bay, CA

Mendocino, CA

Winters, CA

Dixon, CA

Our CA Valley

My current Happy Place

Amazing Texas
Dear God,

Today all I want to say is thank you for your glorious creation. All of the places You have allowed me to live and spend time have been full of your beauty. I haven't even included photos of the extravagantly gorgeous places You have let us visit! 

Thank you Father, Your enjoyment of color, variety and beauty tell me so much about You and Your character. You could have designed the world to be orderly and full of straight lines and matching colors. But no, you like curves and crazy squiggles and blazing colors! I love that about You. Thanks for being such a creative creator!
I love You,

CLICK HERE for all the Letters to God




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Thursday, October 16, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 16 - A Full Heart



Pic from his first week, last week!
I think he could tell that I hadn't dressed a baby in
about 28 years!

Dear God,

This afternoon we got to spend a few hours with our sweet little grandson! Tomorrow he will celebrate his 2 week birthday! I chose not to take any pics during our time with him today because I just wanted to BE there without distraction and it was the most delicious and heart-overwhelming time! 

Thank you Father for bringing us here for this season. Watching my son being a father is so beautiful and would have been terribly frustrating from a long distance. My heart is full tonight as I end this day. So many emotions, fears, joys, wonderings and imaginings, but over-riding all of them is deep thankfulness God. 


CLICK HERE for full list of Letters to God

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 15 - Love the One You're With

CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God


Dear God,

Good morning Lord. I'm sitting here with this goofy pup, listening to the little pool-waterfall outside my window. The birds are sending songs or arguments back and forth out there. I guess they are happy that the sun is shining again. Hubs is enjoying a pipe on the screened porch, grateful that he has a late shift at work today. 

I am not a big prayer warrior and I was concerned about that the other day. Our world is pretty much one big mess and there is MUCH to pray about. As I scroll online or watch the news on TV, my heart becomes overwhelmed with it all and I have to close my eyes and keep scrolling until I see puppies or sweet baby pictures. 

How your heart must be broken Father. I cannot imagine what your view must encompass. Do you see it all as one big picture or do you see the ones, the individual people? 

When I was on one of our mission trips You told me to "Love the one you are with." That small directive told me so much about You, about how You see this world. You do see us as single, valuable individuals. You see the pain and the joy in each one of our lives. 

When I worry about not being a prayer warrior or on the mission field, I remember that even Mother Teresa lived with the belief that we each must just "love the person in front of you." One on one is important to You. 

So today Father, even though I am at home all day, I hope that I am loving the ones who read my words or look at my silly posts on Facebook. I pray that this day You and I will walk through this day together and make a difference in the ones I communicate with here. Please let me love people as individuals as a way to deliver Your BIG LOVE for them. May this blog bring a smile and a sigh of assurance to those who stumble across it today. 

You are a Lover and we are Your Loved ONES. Thank you!


Friends, I am writing over at 5 Minutes for Faith today. Come on over for a bit won't you? Thanks!


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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 14 - Yay For Craigs List!

CLICK HERE for all the letters.

Good Morning God,

I have to begin with what is on top of my brain/heart today. Thank you for this glorious new/old Chippendale Writer's Desk!!!

Yay for Craig's List: Only $160!!

It is no secret that my "love language" is gifts. I feel loved by the receiving and giving of tangible presents. You made me this way so I have stopped apologizing for being such a "materialistic girl."  But wow, You have just gone way overboard in the last few months. (Not complaining... but wow.) 

I stand outside our new little office/library and just sigh with happiness and unbelief... 




My heart feels so loved and cherished by my Hubs and by You Father. After so MANY years of lack and scraping by...this new place still feels shaky and temporary. We are and always will be careful and frugal. We still need to be. (A bigger home requires bigger utilities etc. Still learning what that looks like.) But I will never again take for granted the luxury of a roof over our heads and food in our pantry. 

Thank you God for my husband. This man honestly gets his happiness from seeing ME happy! How crazy is that? No matter what else is going on in his life, if he knows that I am happy, he's satisfied. It hasn't always been this way...or I haven't always recognized it anyway. But it is obvious now, and it humbles me.

So once again God, here I am with my laptop and my "bowl" of coffee,  I look into your face and breath a thank you into the atmosphere. 

Thank You for loving me, 

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Monday, October 13, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 13 - Was That You God?

31 Letters to God

Dear God,

You are freaking me out a bit lately. A few posts (prayers) ago I gave you credit/blame for knocking down our fence so I could meet our next door neighbor. Then 2 days ago I confessed my addiction to being online and asked You to please help me not to be so distracted by the Internet. 

After hitting PUBLISH on that prayer/post we LOST OUR INTERNET CONNECTION COMPLETELY! 

I was not even bugged about it this time, because it felt like a great way to begin the next morning without the temptation to check Facebook or email before getting some work done.  I looked forward to an excuse to go to our near by library to use the Internet to send in my writing assignments. 

The Hubs called our Internet provider and they said that our modem was broken and needed to be replaced even though it is only 2 months old. Still I did not panic, we planned to take it back in a few days and were sure it would be replaced free of charge. 

So the next day (yesterday) You and I had a lovely morning together. We listened to great music and I wrote an article for a faith website where I contribute. I did some cleaning and reading and enjoyed a peaceful day in my home. 

Late in the day I happened to check our connection again and IT WAS BACK AND BETTER than before! What?? 

Was that YOU? Did you intervene in our connection just so I would see what a lovely morning I could have without it? Maybe yes, maybe no. I do not know if it was You. Do You care about such trivial things? I know that I have been brazen enough to ask you to help me merge on the freeway, but it always felt kind of presumptuous to expect help in such a silly thing. 

I love that You do care about every part of our lives Father. I believe that You do care about my day. Thank you for showing me where the true treasure in my day can be found. Thank you for loving me so much. Again I hold my life up to You and ask You to intervene any time You want or desire. Thanks for living my life right along side me. How amazing is that? 

And thanks for letting me know the connection was repaired before we tried to replace the modem! Ha! Hubs is still working on getting the fence repaired, he's not feeling so thankful. 

Sure do love you,
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Saturday, October 11, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 11 - I'm Sorry God

31 Letters to God

Dear Father,

It is already four in the afternoon and I have accomplished nothing today. Well, I rearranged some furniture in this room, but sheesh. I pretty much frittered this day away online. Not at all what I had planned to do with these hours you have given me. I am truly sorry. It feels awful to admit this to you...as if you didn't already know anyway. 

So many women that I know have lives that are frantic with activity. They WISH for blank days like mine to fashion as they please. I am my own boss and I am not a very good one I guess. Forgive me Father. I know You aren't mad or cranky at me. I also know that relaxing and resting are good things to do. But my browsing around the Internet was not at all relaxing or restful. Please help me Lord. 

It's after four now and I am going to turn off the internet connection and work on an article that is due in a few days. Then it will be time to fix dinner and tomorrow will be a new day to get it right. Thank you for me loving me as I am, even when I don't.

I love You,
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Friday, October 10, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 10 - Thank you!

31 Letters to God

Dear God,
Thank you!

Grandpa with his first grandchild.

Our sweet little peanut.

My firstborn dressing his firstborn for the first time!

My joy!
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Wednesday, October 8, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 8 - The Walls Came Down

Dear God,

You know that I am letting everyone eavesdrop on a few of our conversations this month, right? I honestly thought that these chats would be a bit deeper than they have been, but maybe we are both somewhat camera-shy and it is hard to be transparent. Oh well. 

Today I am looking at this scene in my backyard and as odd as it may sound, I am thanking you for knocking our fence down in last week's thunder storm. First of all, it is odd because I do not REALLY think that YOU are the one responsible every time bad weather hits an area. I hate it when people say that a massive earthquake or tsunami is caused by your bad temper at certain people who are displeasing you. I know that You have much better control of your so-called temper and mood. And You have much more effective ways of reaching men's hearts. 


It is also strange to thank you for this added expense because...well, it is an added expense! But, the fence coming down between our yards has finally introduced me to my very sweet and funny neighbor! That is why I am thankful for it. We've been in this house since  July 19, 2014 and at last I have seen and talked to the lady next door! We have both been too chicken to knock on one another's door to make an introduction....we confessed this yesterday during our first real conversation. 



So thanks God. Tomorrow, on Hub's day off, he and I will be repairing the fence......need I ask? Please help me help him. Thanks for that too. 

I love you,
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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 7 - Grandpa!


Dear God,

Thank you for making this man a Grandpa! He has always wanted to be old and grandfatherly. Yep, that's a weird desire, but Hubs loves and honors the elderly and has for as long as I've known him. 

Yesterday he finally got to hold his brand new grandson for the first time and it was delightful to watch! Thanks God. He will be an amazing grandpa. He already has lots of plans that his parents would not approve of. That's our job right? (Just teasing you Mel.) 

Father, I am so grateful to be living here where we can be part of this little peanut's life. You have blessed us abundantly and this is the very best of the blessings! 


I love You,
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Monday, October 6, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 6 - My Hands



Dear God,

I want so very much to hold each person in my family tightly in my hands. If I could, I would protect them from all the gunk in this world. When I knew that a scary thing was coming our way, I would close my fingers around them so that they would never even know what they had just missed. My hands would then need to remain closed around my family because you just never know! 

I would tell myself that my motivation is love. But in truth, it would be fear, wouldn't it? 

Father, You and I have had a life-long discussion about fear, haven't we? You've shown me over and over again that fear can wear many different costumes. It can be difficult to recognize. But this morning it is obvious to me that the idea of holding each member of my growing family tightly "protected" in my closed hands is all about fear. What I imagined as safety is actually prison. 

So today with Your help, I am allowing You to pull my fingers open. I am releasing the ones I love. My hands are open and flat before You. It is so hard Father! Forgive me for letting fear steal my joy for even a minute. I can't even promise that this is the last time we will do this.

But for this day, I open my hands and lift my precious ones up to You. Into Your hands. The hands that have only one motivation, one true and pure motivation...LOVE. 

I love you,


Note to readers: My family is all safe, healthy and happy. Please don't think that this is about some kind of bad thing happening to us. All is well, I promise. Fear is just an ongoing issue for me that pops up even when everything in life is perfect. Thanks for reading!


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Sunday, October 5, 2014

The Best Excuse For Not Posting on the 31 Day Challenge!


Readers, I did not post Letters to God on Days 3 or 4 of the 31 Day Blog Challenge, but I have the BEST excuse in existence! ON Day 3 I was welcoming my new Grandson into the world and on Day 4 I was cuddling him and helping the new little family! Today I am barely able to gather my thoughts for this post but I will try.... 

Dear God,

I have been thankful before. I have been thrilled with new happenings in my life. My heart has been full of giddiness before. I have thanked You profusely for my new home, my hubby, my kids, my DIL, my bright yellow truck. I have even thanked you for my goofy dog.

BUT THIS, this is totally different.

An entirely new FLAVOR of thankfulness. A brand new version of happy. This is a place I've never been before. An ear-to-ear-constant-grin kind of place. I am a puddle of goofiness. A drunken wobbly sort of thought process is affecting my everyday chores. I keep opening my laptop and getting all mushy at the adorable screen-saver I just uploaded. 

Sigh....

Thank you God for the sweet arrival of my first GRANDCHILD. He is perfect. He is stunning. And he is totally worth moving nearly 2,000 miles to see! I am in awe at the beauty and strength I saw in my son and his wife. Amazing! 

Dear God, I am out of words...I'm sitting here shaking my head in wonder. Hubs and I are simply head-over-heels in love with this new little munchkin. Thank you for a peaceful and smooth (though long) birth. You were there, we all knew it, could all feel it. Thank you Father God, thank you.  

I love you,
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Thursday, October 2, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 2




Good Morning Lord,

On the very top of my Thank-yous today is thanks for keeping my grandson safe in his cocoon yesterday as we traipsed all over the Texas State Fair with his 9 month pregnant mommy and daddy. It’s hard for me to know the difference between sensible caution and unnecessary worry, as You know. We’ve been through this many times, You and I. Thank you for helping me let go and trust that everything would be fine.

So here we are at a brand new day, sitting in my pretty backyard watching Layla go crazy over the bubbles in the pool. I hold this new handful of hours up to You and ask You to please be with me, around me and in me. I invite You to speak to me as I shop for food, do laundry and whatever else comes my way. And I will try to remember to listen and watch for You.

And once again, thank you for not making us a Dallas Newspaper headline by becoming grandparents at the Texas State Fair yesterday!

I love You,

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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 1

31 Day Writing Challenge
Dear God,

How can I possibly begin to thank you for the big changes in my life in the last three months?! New state, new house, new grandbaby any day now! "Thank you" feels too small, too easily uttered without meaning. But today, this day, I wholeheartedly say "Thank you my God" for lavishing me with so much goodness this year. 

Yesterday I sat on the first step of our...swimming pool...and I listened to the trickling waterfall and the crazy jungle chorus of birds in the trees behind our house. I kept shaking my head in wonder...that this is my life now. How did this happen? I would never have imagined that moment 8 months ago. 

So today, this morning I look up into your skies and I say "Thank you my God!" Thank you for loving me the way you do. Thank you for being who you are in my life. Thank you for going to the Texas State Fair with us today, it's sure to be a blast and I will most likely be calling out to you a few times as we make our way through the crazy Dallas traffic! 

I love You,


_____

Hi Friends, for the month of October I will be writing letters to God every day as part of a bloggers 31 Day Writing Challenge. There are hundreds of us, writing on every subject imaginable! Be sure to check back here every day or click on the links that will appear on Facebook. And don't forget to click on over to the main "31 Day" website to see all the other intriguing subjects as far as your eyes can see! 


_____
Click the day you'd like to read:

Day 1 (This post)
Day 3-I was busy welcoming my first GRANDCHILD!!
Day 4- Still busy cuddling my GRANDSON!
Day 9 - oops! Missed this day.
Day 12 - Internet down-Try again on 13th.
Day 18 - Oops missed this one!
Day 20
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25
Day 26
Day 27
Day 28
Day 29
Day 30
Day 31



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