Friday, October 31, 2014

31 ? Letters to God | Day 31 - Happy Place Ruined

To read all Letters to God Click HERE 
Dear God,

During this month long writing challenge I have learned a few things about my writerly self. 

  1. This blog is my Happy Place.
  2. I do not like restrictions around my Happy Place.
  3. I do not like feeling guilty about my Happy Place.
  4. I do not like feeling obligated to write in my Happy Place.
  5. I like freedom.
  6. I enjoy spontaneous writing.
  7. My paid writing jobs are not spontaneous or without restrictions.
  8. This blog is my Happy Place.
  9. This blog is about freedom.
  10. This blog is about loving You without restriction, obligation or guilt.
  11. I am glad this writing challenge is OVER!
I will still be chatting with You God....but it will be just between us, pretty much.
I love you,

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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 29 - Make That 18 or So Letters

See Full List HERE

Dear God,

So I pretty much failed at this blog challenge to write every day for the month of October. My promise to write You 31 Letters has turned out to be 19 letters, I think. 

Reminds me of the time I promised to read one chapter of Proverbs every day of every month. And the times  I told You I would pray for someone in Walmart while shopping, and did not. Or the bajillion times I knelt at an altar and made a list of things I would change about myself, and did not. Remember that time in high school when I wrote one of the Fruits of The Spirit on each week of my calendar so that in 2 months I would be a perfect person to reflect your perfection?

I can see You shaking your head and smiling as you chuckle at Your daughter. But You love my desire and my effort even though neither really makes a difference in how MUCH You love me. 

You love me when I am Queen of the World and when I am Queen of the Fail. I have Your Big Love no matter what I produce or what I destroy. You love me completely when I make money or when I waste it. When I am sugar-sweet to my family or when I am nasty sour to them. 

Your love for us is not about measurements, striving, competition or reputation.

It's just LOVE. You are offering it. We are accepting it....or.....working REALLY hard to get it. When we ALREADY have it. Silly rabbits. 

I love You too Father God.

Hopefully I will write again tomorrow, but I am not promising.

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Friday, October 24, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 24 - You Did Good

CLICK HERE for full list of Letters to God

Dear God,

You did really really well on this one! 

Thank You, 
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31 Letters to God | Day 23 - Not-So-Fancy

Dear God,

I also thank you for the not-so-fancy parts of my new life in this house. Because I never want to be the kind of person who has a "Living Room" that is never lived in. We both know that that is really not a problem for me though, right? 

So today I am looking at a few of the not-so-fancy things around here...

I found some spare paint cans in the closet and assumed
it would match the walls, so I touched up some bad spots....
Why did I keep painting, because I thought it would dry a different color I guess.

Layla's dog bones are most often found under foot in the screened porch.
I try not to look at them too closely. Gross.

Former owners left this desk chair which we don't like.
So here it sits on the porch, guarding the Noodles.

I love the weird things about this place too. Well "love" is too strong of a word. I accept the odd bits of living here. Like the fact that this neighborhood does not have big garbage totes that you can fill up all week with stinky garbage then wheel it to the curb for garbage day! We have to use plastic bags and set them on the curb twice a week. This means that stinky stuff has to sit in the garage or in the kitchen garbage can waiting for garbage day. I have even kept awful left-overs in the fridge beyond its usefulness because it was not garbage day yet. Another gross!!

Still, I love this place and You. Today we get to spend some time with our grandson Max!!! No complaining from me!!!

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

31 Letters To God | Day 22 - So Fancy!

Dear God,

This morning when I opened this dog food bag to feed Layla, I suddenly felt SO FANCY. I mean the bag has a super nifty heavy duty re-closeable zipper opening!! It's not one of those thin bags that you have to cut open and then it rips the wrong way and dog food flies out and under the washer and dryer never to be found again. (Except by an army of ants who think they've hit a gold mine.)

My life right now is full of these tiny treasures that reveal the change in our lifestyle. The changes are really not huge (unless I remind myself that a few years ago we had several months of food stamps to assist us.) We are not wealthy or wasteful at all. But the small upgrades that came with our relocation make me smile and look up at You and whisper a heartfelt "Thank you God." 

A fridge that gives me ice and water
without opening the door!

I have one of THESE!!
My closet is big enough to require its very own light switch!!
Thank you Father for my "fancy" life! These are only objects. But their presence is evidence of small blessings and gifts from You. I do not take them for granted. I treasure them. I know how quickly they can all go away. But You are my most prized treasure and You will not disappear or leave me stranded.

You were there when we filled out one form after another to get financial help. You held us together as we walked into a tiny, cluttered social workers office and explained our situation. You were there as she smiled a warm and understanding smile towards us and agreed that lots of people were needing help now who never had before and it would all work out. 

Thank you, Father God. Even on the days when I refused to talk to You because I just did not get it, You were still close. You accepted my sighs as prayers. My complaints and questions did not cause You to turn Your face away from me. Even when I truly thought You had. 

My God, thank you for the small fancies in my life today. I will humbly take care of them as the sweet gifts they are. Thank you God for being close in the good and in the bad. In abundance and in scarcity You are still the greatest treasure. The only true necessity. 


I love you God, 
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 21 - Treasure

CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God

Dear Father God,

It's late in this day. I thought that I would be writing these not-so-private letters to You each morning, but that isn't happening. I mumble and whisper to You during my morning meanderings around this lovely house. We talk, just not exactly sitting down together as I had hoped to do. 

Instead, I am finding myself  grabbing a big cup of coffee, releasing Layla from her crate and joining the Hubs out on the screened porch a bit before he heads to work. He is usually reading, smoking his pipe and enjoying the morning sky. He looks up from his book, gives the dog a scratch and says good morning.

We often sit in silence....I am not terribly sociable before my first cup of coffee. Then we talk about small things, big things, our plans for the evening or his next days off. We are still in awe of the big leap we took to move here, still shaking our heads at the sweet life we have right now. 

These moments are treasures, aren't they Father? 

I am not taking them for granted God, I promise. 

I love You so...
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Sunday, October 19, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 19 - Why God?

The stuff of nightmares, I tell you! (Near my exit.)
 Dear God,

I love my new city, you know I do. I have been babbling on and on about how thankful I am for my gorgeous new home, swimming pool, beautiful scenery and of course my delight at being close to my new grandson. 

Have you and my blog readers been waiting for the complaints to begin? It couldn't ALL be good, could it? 

Since You asked, I am pretty confused about one aspect of this big move we have made to a new state and new city. WHY am I now living in a crazy-busy traffic area when I have always been a fearful driver?

Back in California we lived in a small town with a population of  18,660. I worked in the next biggest town over with a population of 93,899. Sadly, even in those towns I avoided the freeway and always drove on the back roads to get back and forth. If  I had to use the freeway, I prayed for easy merging on and off. 

I'm in the middle of this mess.
 NOW I find myself in a city with a population of  183,372!!! 

The main adjustments that have been tough for me have not been the difference between California and has been the HUGE change from RURAL to URBAN living. This is not a big city as in sky scrapers and such, (though we are only 15 minutes from Dallas and sky scrapers and such) but 183,372 is a LOT OF PEOPLE and a ton of traffic. Shopping is very different, crowds and long lines and even longer drives every where. So not used to this!!

My current exit for home. AACK!!
What am I doing here? Why am I living in my driving nightmare?  You have helped me overcome many deep rooted fears in my life. And I hate to admit that this move has set me back in the driving fear. The normal roads around here seem to suddenly become a freeway with 8 lanes and turns every which way! There is no way to pull over and gather my nerves when I get stressed and panicky. The drivers are very aggressive and fast with no patience for confused newcomers. 

My former exit for home. So simple!
I need You God. I am thankful that my community around my neighborhood provides all I need for food or clothing shopping, libraries, hair salons and even movie theaters. So I can do what I need to do without getting on the dreaded freeways. But I cannot go see my kids and my grandchild by myself. I feel silly and foolish about that, but there it is. At some point I know that I will make myself  take that 30 minute drive on the freeway. It will happen. But for now....nope. Not yet. I know that the visit would be a tense one because I would be conscious of having to make the return trip home. (Really don't know if I am going to hit publish on this vulnerable post.) I wish I were braver.....

CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God
I love you Father,
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Friday, October 17, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 17 - Creative Creator

Bodega Bay, CA

Mendocino, CA

Winters, CA

Dixon, CA

Our CA Valley

My current Happy Place

Amazing Texas
Dear God,

Today all I want to say is thank you for your glorious creation. All of the places You have allowed me to live and spend time have been full of your beauty. I haven't even included photos of the extravagantly gorgeous places You have let us visit! 

Thank you Father, Your enjoyment of color, variety and beauty tell me so much about You and Your character. You could have designed the world to be orderly and full of straight lines and matching colors. But no, you like curves and crazy squiggles and blazing colors! I love that about You. Thanks for being such a creative creator!
I love You,

CLICK HERE for all the Letters to God

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 16 - A Full Heart

Pic from his first week, last week!
I think he could tell that I hadn't dressed a baby in
about 28 years!

Dear God,

This afternoon we got to spend a few hours with our sweet little grandson! Tomorrow he will celebrate his 2 week birthday! I chose not to take any pics during our time with him today because I just wanted to BE there without distraction and it was the most delicious and heart-overwhelming time! 

Thank you Father for bringing us here for this season. Watching my son being a father is so beautiful and would have been terribly frustrating from a long distance. My heart is full tonight as I end this day. So many emotions, fears, joys, wonderings and imaginings, but over-riding all of them is deep thankfulness God. 

CLICK HERE for full list of Letters to God

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 15 - Love the One You're With

CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God

Dear God,

Good morning Lord. I'm sitting here with this goofy pup, listening to the little pool-waterfall outside my window. The birds are sending songs or arguments back and forth out there. I guess they are happy that the sun is shining again. Hubs is enjoying a pipe on the screened porch, grateful that he has a late shift at work today. 

I am not a big prayer warrior and I was concerned about that the other day. Our world is pretty much one big mess and there is MUCH to pray about. As I scroll online or watch the news on TV, my heart becomes overwhelmed with it all and I have to close my eyes and keep scrolling until I see puppies or sweet baby pictures. 

How your heart must be broken Father. I cannot imagine what your view must encompass. Do you see it all as one big picture or do you see the ones, the individual people? 

When I was on one of our mission trips You told me to "Love the one you are with." That small directive told me so much about You, about how You see this world. You do see us as single, valuable individuals. You see the pain and the joy in each one of our lives. 

When I worry about not being a prayer warrior or on the mission field, I remember that even Mother Teresa lived with the belief that we each must just "love the person in front of you." One on one is important to You. 

So today Father, even though I am at home all day, I hope that I am loving the ones who read my words or look at my silly posts on Facebook. I pray that this day You and I will walk through this day together and make a difference in the ones I communicate with here. Please let me love people as individuals as a way to deliver Your BIG LOVE for them. May this blog bring a smile and a sigh of assurance to those who stumble across it today. 

You are a Lover and we are Your Loved ONES. Thank you!

Friends, I am writing over at 5 Minutes for Faith today. Come on over for a bit won't you? Thanks!

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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 14 - Yay For Craigs List!

CLICK HERE for all the letters.

Good Morning God,

I have to begin with what is on top of my brain/heart today. Thank you for this glorious new/old Chippendale Writer's Desk!!!

Yay for Craig's List: Only $160!!

It is no secret that my "love language" is gifts. I feel loved by the receiving and giving of tangible presents. You made me this way so I have stopped apologizing for being such a "materialistic girl."  But wow, You have just gone way overboard in the last few months. (Not complaining... but wow.) 

I stand outside our new little office/library and just sigh with happiness and unbelief... 

My heart feels so loved and cherished by my Hubs and by You Father. After so MANY years of lack and scraping by...this new place still feels shaky and temporary. We are and always will be careful and frugal. We still need to be. (A bigger home requires bigger utilities etc. Still learning what that looks like.) But I will never again take for granted the luxury of a roof over our heads and food in our pantry. 

Thank you God for my husband. This man honestly gets his happiness from seeing ME happy! How crazy is that? No matter what else is going on in his life, if he knows that I am happy, he's satisfied. It hasn't always been this way...or I haven't always recognized it anyway. But it is obvious now, and it humbles me.

So once again God, here I am with my laptop and my "bowl" of coffee,  I look into your face and breath a thank you into the atmosphere. 

Thank You for loving me, 

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Monday, October 13, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 13 - Was That You God?

31 Letters to God

Dear God,

You are freaking me out a bit lately. A few posts (prayers) ago I gave you credit/blame for knocking down our fence so I could meet our next door neighbor. Then 2 days ago I confessed my addiction to being online and asked You to please help me not to be so distracted by the Internet. 

After hitting PUBLISH on that prayer/post we LOST OUR INTERNET CONNECTION COMPLETELY! 

I was not even bugged about it this time, because it felt like a great way to begin the next morning without the temptation to check Facebook or email before getting some work done.  I looked forward to an excuse to go to our near by library to use the Internet to send in my writing assignments. 

The Hubs called our Internet provider and they said that our modem was broken and needed to be replaced even though it is only 2 months old. Still I did not panic, we planned to take it back in a few days and were sure it would be replaced free of charge. 

So the next day (yesterday) You and I had a lovely morning together. We listened to great music and I wrote an article for a faith website where I contribute. I did some cleaning and reading and enjoyed a peaceful day in my home. 

Late in the day I happened to check our connection again and IT WAS BACK AND BETTER than before! What?? 

Was that YOU? Did you intervene in our connection just so I would see what a lovely morning I could have without it? Maybe yes, maybe no. I do not know if it was You. Do You care about such trivial things? I know that I have been brazen enough to ask you to help me merge on the freeway, but it always felt kind of presumptuous to expect help in such a silly thing. 

I love that You do care about every part of our lives Father. I believe that You do care about my day. Thank you for showing me where the true treasure in my day can be found. Thank you for loving me so much. Again I hold my life up to You and ask You to intervene any time You want or desire. Thanks for living my life right along side me. How amazing is that? 

And thanks for letting me know the connection was repaired before we tried to replace the modem! Ha! Hubs is still working on getting the fence repaired, he's not feeling so thankful. 

Sure do love you,
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Saturday, October 11, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 11 - I'm Sorry God

31 Letters to God

Dear Father,

It is already four in the afternoon and I have accomplished nothing today. Well, I rearranged some furniture in this room, but sheesh. I pretty much frittered this day away online. Not at all what I had planned to do with these hours you have given me. I am truly sorry. It feels awful to admit this to if you didn't already know anyway. 

So many women that I know have lives that are frantic with activity. They WISH for blank days like mine to fashion as they please. I am my own boss and I am not a very good one I guess. Forgive me Father. I know You aren't mad or cranky at me. I also know that relaxing and resting are good things to do. But my browsing around the Internet was not at all relaxing or restful. Please help me Lord. 

It's after four now and I am going to turn off the internet connection and work on an article that is due in a few days. Then it will be time to fix dinner and tomorrow will be a new day to get it right. Thank you for me loving me as I am, even when I don't.

I love You,
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