Who knew? Last night I learned that my big victory over fear has some really sneaky little loopholes that I knew nothing about! Now of course, I do realize that I am no where near being described as a fearless woman. I know that better than anyone. But I did believe that a certain area of freak-outness in my life had been conquered and taken care of once and for all.
I am the woman who writes about taking one's thoughts captive and not allowing negatives to have rule over us....blah, blah, blah. In fact last Sunday a woman whom I have never met came up to me in church and thanked me for a talk I gave about conquering fear a long time ago. (I did a little 10 minute thing on one of the Sundays that my husband was speaking.) The woman said that it affected her deeply and she thinks of it often!
But last night when Hubs was nearly an hour late getting home from his new job I was a mess. He rides his motorcycle to work out of town so that I will have the car. I dislike that he needs to be on the freeway to get to work and sometimes it means coming home after dark. I thought that he got off work at 4pm, but he got off at 4:30, and yesterday they kept him a bit longer than that. I could not call his cell because the vibrating of the phone while on the bike would distract him and he could not answer anyway.
I was literally pacing and staring out the window and listening for the beautiful roar of his bike for an hour. My mind went to bad places that I will not describe. I pulled it back again and again, but my stomach was getting all twisty and I could not sit or read or think clearly.
We have now established a new rule of calling me before he heads home.
But back to the conquered fear thing. The main subject of that talk I gave was that God had helped me win a very real fight over my fear of owning a motorcycle. He truly transformed my mind to the point that I now ride a huge bike with Hubs every weekend and I totally love it. I mean that I really really love it! There is no fear there to keep me from relaxing, taking pics and writing new blog posts in my mind as we roll along.
So what in the world was this freaky freak-out business all about?
Today I am thinking that there are always upgrades available to us in everything we have gained over the years. This is a new place that my Father God wants to see me be free. Whenever we face a tough or uncomfortable situation, it means that He has something new to show us about Himself and who He wants to be for us.
My God loves me enough to show me the little loophole that has been there all along. I want the upgrade. I want to move up to a better place of peace when stuff looks and feels wrong. He is switching my plan to the upgrade as I write this and I did not even have to take a number in the cell-phone store and wait my turn!
Thank you Father.
(Important note: I love comments a lot. BUT if this post made you think of a horrible motorcycle accident in your family or friend's lives, please do not tell me about it. I gave the same request at the end of my talk at church but I still had to listen to some awful stories as people came up to share with me. Thanx!)