Friday, October 21, 2011

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,


I'm not sure if Heaven has email, snail-mail or Internet but I'm going to send this out into the atmosphere anyway. I am missing you and that makes me feel selfish and hypocritical. Selfish  because I know you are in a place that you dreamed of all your life and it is good. I feel hypocritical because when you were here and available I did not talk to you every week and our main communication became quick emails here and there. 

But I always knew you were there and that I could dump my "stuff" on you, though I rarely did. Our 56 years together had the normal ups and downs of any mother-daughter relationship. Now that I have been the mom to adult age kids I have more understanding of your precarious position in our relationship. Our misunderstandings and frustrations with one another when you were in your 50's make much more sense to me now. This spot between adult age kids and senior age parents is an odd one. I am loving it and wish we could talk about that.

I understand the little dropped comments that were your way of letting me know how you felt about something without outwardly actually saying it. Kind of makes me wonder what all you bit your tongue with and kept yourself from saying. No, I don't really want to know!

I do know that I drove you crazy at times and I will tell you now, that you made me pretty crazy too. You made me crazy, but you also kept me sane Mom. Your prayers for me protected me all my life. I know this for a fact. You kept me sane and stable and faithful with your prayers. I miss knowing that you were talking to God about me and my family. But maybe you still are, I don't know. 

I feel like you would be proud of what I am trying to do now. You always wanted to be a writer and I have a huge pile of "How To Write A Book" books to prove it. I am trying, and thinking of you as I go. Thank you for telling me that I could do this. Thank you for the fat file of everything I have ever written that I found in your craft room. Thank you for passing some of them along to my aunts, that says a lot to me. 

I love you Mom. I almost went back and was going to add "ed" to "love" but my love for you is not past tense. It is still true and I am still loving you. Thank you for still loving me.

Love, 









FRIDAY FOLLOW OVER 40!

18 comments:

  1. Susie
    WOW I had to catch a tear when I read this blog. You know we never realize how much "mom" means to us. I am very thankful as I still have both parents
    79 & 74

    As a teenager mom and I had our differences, now I find myself defending her when others do her that way (I have a mentally challenged brother that calls her weekly bawling her out for no reason) (I took the phone one day and told him until he calmed down and could talk like a person than do not call mom back!! ANOTHER STORY THERE

    Your mom is smiling on you today, she is your mom and always will be.

    Love n hugs
    Rainbow & Bob

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  2. Dear Susie,
    This post is so special to me since I just lost my mother in July. I miss her terribly and often think of things I wish I could say to her. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts.

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  3. i could have written this same letter. <3 hugs

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  4. Mom's are the best! Their spirit is always with us.

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  5. What a beautiful note to your Mom. Thanks for sharing with all of us.

    Blessings,
    Tammy

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  6. I lost my mom when I was only 26 and have 'talked" with her more than once but never in a letter form like this. It brought tears to my eyes. wow. I do believe they know something about our lives - how much? we won't know until we get there.

    You are so right about as our kids grow, we get a whole new perspective about their lives.

    great, inspiring post!

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  7. My mom died almost 20 years ago when I was 31. I still have things I want to talk to her and ask her.

    Yes, our moms are in a better place, and missing them might make us selfish, but it's a good, loving selfish.

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  8. I can totally relate. My dear Mom went to be with Jesus about 5 1/2 yrs. ago, and my sweet Daddy joined her there this past spring. So now I am missing BOTH of them, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them in one way or the other. I have their pictures on my desk smiling down at me as I write, and I feel their presence with me, nudging me on and cheering for me just like they always did when they were here. We are blessed to have had such parents. Someday OUR kids will be thinking similar thoughts about us (I hope!!) Treasure your precious memories, and create some new memories for your children to cherish when the time comes. That's the heritage our Moms (and Dads) would want us to pass on.
    (((hugs)))) to you today.

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  9. Such a touching post, Susie. I know your mom must be proud of you and smiling down from above. I bet she'll be the first one running to meet you when Jesus calls you home. (in many, many years, of course :) )

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  10. I am living with my Mom now (our whole family that is) and we just had a talk this morning. This post reminds me that she won't be around forever...Thank you Susie.

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  11. Thanks for stopping by
    Yep this is my life....
    Tere

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  12. nice comment thanks for sharing loves from holland..God bless you...

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  13. It's heart mail...all the postage was prepaid...

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  14. Susie, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I'm terrified of losing my mother, my best friend. It's already started, and it's horribly painful.

    I'm glad you wrote your mom a letter. I'm sure you have much more to say to her. You'll probably need a journal just for writing to and about your mom. What a cool thing to pass down to your grandchildren one day.

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  15. This letter captures a Mom/daughter relationship....It is so touching that your Mom kept all your writings...Yes she was proud of you and would be now.

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  16. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt letter...glad to have found your inspiring blog.

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All comments are good comments!

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