Saturday, September 15, 2012

What I Know for Sure...

In this time of transition and shift in my life, I am dropping off old beliefs, examining new thoughts and ideas, re-evaluating old mindsets and thought habits positive and negative. I am holding long-held truths up to the light and squinting my eyes to see if I believe them anymore.

What I still believe is kept and what I am no longer sure of gets set aside for closer examination. I am asking myself the hard questions of "Do I think this way because I never really considered any other?" and "Has that value I tried to live out, really worked or not?"

Digging down to the rock bottom foundation of what I believe and do not believe is extremely personal and sometimes painful. I still do not want to admit even the tiniest kernel of doubt about my faith in God....because it is just super scary! I am guilty of doing what that song in that Mormon Musical on Broadway says, "They just believe!" Insinuating that they do not think or examine, they just believe. But I have been thinking, examining and questioning.

Turns out, I am still completely in love with God. The deepest darkest questions have led me right back to knowing that God is good and that Jesus is real and worth my worship and trust. There will always be an element of faith, a piece of belief that cannot be scientifically or comprehensively explained and charted out for others to understand and grasp.

I think that maybe God likes it that way.

Some things that I know are true:

  • God loves me.
  • God loves you.
  • God wants me to love you.
  • God is good and just because I cannot explain why awful stuff happens, it does not change this fact.
  • I gain strength and peace when I worship God.
  • I also gain strength and peace when I get mad at him. He is ok with that.
  • God smiles at me and wants me to smile back.
  • I am not too old to learn new thoughts and ideas about Him.
  • I will never get to the end of all there is to know and discover about Him.
I think that if you begin to look at what you believe, you will see that it is surprisingly difficult to get past the jargon, Bible stories, and traditional church phraseology that first comes to mind. The truth is there, it is in you, but until you dig it out for yourself and hold it up to the light and see it with your own squinty eye, it will be a borrowed truth, not your own.

Now I am back to more digging, questioning and experimenting. 

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11 comments:

  1. Bravo! You are a brave girl...but an honest truth seeker, and God will not disappoint you in your quest for truth. I know you already know the Truth, and that is why the Truth has set you free! God allows us to explore, test, and search...but He never loses His grip on us as we wander along life's pathways. Sometimes it may feel like we are on a bungee cord that is about to stretch too far...but God does NOT let go of the cord. He knows exactly how far to let us "drop" before He pulls us back up again. Whew! Thank Goodness! That's a relief!

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    1. I'm not sure it counts as "brave" pamela, but thank you! It's more about survival and a reason to live. haha! Sounds pretty dramatic but true. Thanks for always being an encourager my friend.

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  2. Hard questions are good. I feel like God throws me a curve ball just to make sure I don't get familiar with His wildly incomprehensible nature. He is good but He is not tame or predictable. He is faithful but He will not be caged. Who wants the complacent Christian life, anyway? Not us. No way. He is a both a consuming fire and a gentle breeze. That is what is so great about our God.

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    1. I have never been a hard questioner. Hubs loves the long complicated biblical discussions, but they always made me nervous, as if we might stumble on the realization that our whole belief is a fantasy. Now i am being forced to work it out for myself and the deep love is foundational and sure.

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  3. I like what you write in this post especially this:
    "Turns out, I am still completely in love with God. The deepest darkest questions have led me right back to knowing that God is good and that Jesus is real and worth my worship and trust."
    These are true words blog friend.

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  4. Full marks to you for "thinking, examining and questioning." Those are really good things to do. You probably do them (consciously or otherwise) in other parts of your life, so why not with your faith? Your thinking, examining and questioning help you to grow your soul.

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    1. That's true Rob-bear, we do examine other parts of life, but a faith that you have grown up in can become something you do not really think about for yourself. Thanks for the comment Rob.

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  5. I think this thinking, examining, and questioning is one of the most beautiful parts of aging (and I believe there are many beautiful parts to aging). It just feels so wonderful to know that there are other women out there doing the same thing. Amen to this post.

    Many Hugs,

    Mary

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    1. Yes, it is good to know we are not alone as we continue to discover ourselves and God in us!

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  6. It's so good to ask questions, even when we do not understand our current season. And you are right, those questions will always lead us back to a loving God. Praying for you my friend.

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All comments are good comments!

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