What I still believe is kept and what I am no longer sure of gets set aside for closer examination. I am asking myself the hard questions of "Do I think this way because I never really considered any other?" and "Has that value I tried to live out, really worked or not?"
Digging down to the rock bottom foundation of what I believe and do not believe is extremely personal and sometimes painful. I still do not want to admit even the tiniest kernel of doubt about my faith in God....because it is just super scary! I am guilty of doing what that song in that Mormon Musical on Broadway says, "They just believe!" Insinuating that they do not think or examine, they just believe. But I have been thinking, examining and questioning.
Turns out, I am still completely in love with God. The deepest darkest questions have led me right back to knowing that God is good and that Jesus is real and worth my worship and trust. There will always be an element of faith, a piece of belief that cannot be scientifically or comprehensively explained and charted out for others to understand and grasp.
I think that maybe God likes it that way.
Some things that I know are true:
- God loves me.
- God loves you.
- God wants me to love you.
- God is good and just because I cannot explain why awful stuff happens, it does not change this fact.
- I gain strength and peace when I worship God.
- I also gain strength and peace when I get mad at him. He is ok with that.
- God smiles at me and wants me to smile back.
- I am not too old to learn new thoughts and ideas about Him.
- I will never get to the end of all there is to know and discover about Him.
I think that if you begin to look at what you believe, you will see that it is surprisingly difficult to get past the jargon, Bible stories, and traditional church phraseology that first comes to mind. The truth is there, it is in you, but until you dig it out for yourself and hold it up to the light and see it with your own squinty eye, it will be a borrowed truth, not your own.
Now I am back to more digging, questioning and experimenting.
Come talk to me on FB!