In the very center of this month of love, my mom and dad got married. I love February. This sunny month of hearts, flowers and chocolate also holds my birthday and my wedding anniversary. That is a lot of love!
Today my parents would have been celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary if she were still with us. I came across this wonderful photograph of them while preparing for her funeral in 2011.
Today I understand her a little more than I did back then. I know that being involved in the life of adult children is an odd sort of dance that requires tact, love and sensitivity. We want to help our kids and give them advice. But we also want to just enjoy being together and have fun as a family. I see now that my mom's worries about all of us were at the top of her heart all the time. So when we did talk or visit, that was the first subject to pop up. It was what we had in common as far as she was concerned.
I hear myself talking to my grown kids. The first questions are about jobs, health, long-term goals. I have become that worried-sounding questioner. I do not want that. I trust my kids. I am not worried about their choices and plans, I'm not. Both my kids are braver and more talented than I was at that age. But still, I hear my voice going there all the time! I want my kids to know me as a person, not just mom, the worrier. Can they know me as an individual apart from the mothering role? What do you think?
I did not get to know the fun side of my mom as much as her friends did. I'm sure that that is pretty normal. We are different people with our contemporaries than we are with our children. But, I feel like I missed something great. I want to know that laughing girl in the black and white photograph.
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