Thursday, August 8, 2013
You Know THAT Day?
You know that day when you have the "reds" as mentioned in Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Not the blues, but the reds. Everything feels wrong, kind of OFF, kind of mean.
The body is sluggish and the brain is fuzzy.
You silently tell people off in your head all day.
Every picture on Facebook makes you grumble
and you talk back to the inspirational quotes?
You wonder how you could ever have said this and this with so much confidence.
Because sensing that God is your best friend
and knowing WITHOUT A DOUBT that He actually cares about your little stupid stuff
feels pretty silly and naive.
or week or year?
Bed is not a refuge because the brain WILL NOT STOP CHURNING.
A movie helps because you can get lost in the story and characters and their problems
instead of your own for a bit.
But the ending credits alert your mind that it time to go back to the garbage again.
Every. Single. Thing bugs you.....That squawking bird outside right now! Shut up!
THAT day, THIS day
Does not alter that God is still who I said He was back here and here.
It is true even when it does not feel true and I can not see it and I barely believe it.
That's why this whole relationship with God thing involves the word FAITH.
On days like today
FAITH is all I have. Hoping, trusting, wishing. Wanting it to be true.
My head hurts, my heart hurts...am I tired.
No, nothing big or bad just happened...just tired.
Weary, weak, wondering and tired of wondering.
GOD. He must be better than we have described Him. There must be more to the picture
because what I have heard, read and written about Him is not enough.
Faith. My faith....is in Someone bigger than we have presented to ourselves.
ONE who knows about all of humanity's crisis at the same time He knows that I have the reds today.
I have faith He is real. I have faith that He knows and cares.
And that He is okay with my questions, doubts and wonderings.
This BIGGER God than we have imagined
is not worried about my question marks or disappointed in this blog post
that sounds so unsure.
THAT day when you wonder what is true and what is just a hope,
THAT day, HE loves me anyway. And even if this post makes no sense to anyone else,
HE gets it.
And He smiles. It's gonna be Okay.
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