So this happened the other night...I closed my laptop and decided it was time to go read in bed before falling asleep. I turned off all the house lamps, told Layla to get in her crate for the night and headed for the bedroom. I am usually the last in bed and I hoped that the light would still be on indicating that Hubs was awake and reading his book too. Sometimes he is already asleep and the reading will have to wait for another time. (Anyone who'd like to buy me an e-reader, please feel free to do so.)
The light was off and so I did my usual routine of carefully tip-toeing around the bedroom preparing myself for bed. Being as quiet as a mouse I got changed and slipped between the sheets.
Twenty minutes later I was jolted awake by the sound of the garage door banging open and a man's voice asking what was going on!
Hubs was NOT in bed beside me. He had been in the garage while I was quietly tip-toeing around our bedroom!
The mind is a funny thing. I had convinced myself that my husband was there in the dark right next to me. I KNEW it. I sensed that he was there and did not doubt it for a second.
I am not a flakey person. If anything, I am so full of common sense that it bothers me and makes me wish I could be more whimsical and free-thinking. This may be why my closest friends over the years have always been more silly and extroverted than me. (Would not want to name names, but you know who you are, Joyce, Barb and Dawn.) I am drawn to fun people because I wish I could be more like them. (I called you whimsical...not flakey...to be clear.)
But flakey or whimsical, I am not. I am fascinated with the tricks my mind can play on me though. This incident with the hubby in the bed...but not in the bed, is a prime example of how powerful our minds can be. My idea that the light was off because he had gone to sleep made perfect sense and I had no reason to double-check my belief at all.
Are there other ways that my mind has played tricks on me? My faith is an important part of who I am. Where do the mind-tricks and faith intersect in my life? Is my deep belief in God just another made-up idea that I have convinced myself to be true?
I have the ability to talk myself into just about anything. A few years ago I was walking through my dark house at night and I walked right into a wall with full force. Face first. That wall had always been there...it did not jump out at me...but it sure felt like it did in that instant. (No I am NOT flaky...really...ask anyone. Ask Hubs...no better not ask him.) BAM! Nearly cracked my glasses on that surprise wall.
I can talk myself into a wall appearing from out of nowhere and a husband appearing in my bed beside me...but my experiences with God have been too real, too consistent, too BIG to call them a mind-game.
In recent posts on this blog I have been exploring the word FAITH and what it means in daily life and daily belief. Faith is not based on fact. Faith requires some belief...some trust..some wondering. Otherwise it is not faith...there is no need for faith when the facts are right there in front of you.
My faith in God is an on-going exploration. I am always learning more about Him and during that process I am learning more about myself. Knowing God is helping me know myself. I believe that He is okay with our questions, doubts and wonderings. God wants us to know Him for ourselves. Not the angry, hard-to-please, hater that current society (and some Christians) take so much glee in presenting to the world.
I love that I do not know everything about God. Anyone who says they do, or acts like they do...is just mistaken. I may not be full of whimsy or silliness, but I do love my ability to keep discovering God over and over again. My heart and mind will keep asking questions and wondering who He is and how big He is. I will not assume that I understand Him or His ways...
I will also not assume that my husband is there in the dark next to me...I may need to punch the darkness a bit...Hubby beware!
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