Sunday, May 11, 2014
You Are A Great Mom, Even If You Stink At It
I have noticed an interesting and disturbing trend online regarding Mother's Day this year. The negative articles and posts have outnumbered the positive. Some writers are just against the holiday for the principle of it or the commercial aspect of it. They claim it's a "made up holiday". Well, what holiday is not a made up holiday? Others are reminding us to be sensitive to women who cannot have kids or have lost children or their own mother's have passed away. I understand and my heart goes out to those that suffer such pain at this time of year.
But the majority of writers who are complaining about this holiday are moms right now. They dread it and cannot wait to get it over with. It is a day of feeling small and inadequate and unappreciated. I am reading women who know that they are not great at the job of mothering. These blogs and article authors list their failures. They talk about misbehaving toddlers, rude adolescents and grubby bathrooms.
The greeting cards on display in the stores are like billboards of their own failure as mothers. Even though the mom blogs are full of love for their little ones, they also feel that they are never doing enough. Never living up to the mom-hype of Pinterest. Mother's Day is just another day to point out how they are failing.
Tonight I was pondering why I enjoy Mother's Day now, more than I did when I was actively being a mom-who-raises-kids. When my sons were little I had many Mother's Day's sitting in church holding back tears. Smiling big all day long because it was my day to be "honored". While on the inside I cringed at the broad, glowing sermons about the "glory" of motherhood. I knew I could not measure up to the words I was hearing. I remember being cranky, tired and overwhelmed. I did not put my kids first. I was not that generous, sacrificial, creative woman that my kids needed in order to grow up sane and healthy.
But guess what? Not only did my sons grow up to be sane and healthy, they are full of kindness, generosity, humor and creativity. My sons are my most favorite people to be around in the whole world. They are good men and I could not be prouder of them. I raised a couple of really neat people!
THAT is why I can enjoy this holiday now in a way that I could not when I was in the middle of the task. I felt like a failure back then because I did not know if I was doing it right! I felt like I was blowing it all the time. But my kids are awesome people anyway!
So here I am at 45 minutes before Mother's Day 2014 telling you that you are a great mom. You are doing just fine! Your kids are stronger and more perceptive than the current psycho-babble would lead you to believe. They will forget the short tempers and the forgotten lunch-bags. Your kids will survive your mess-ups. Your children do not need perfect cupcakes to feel loved. They do not need a perky Pinterest parent. They just need you to be you.
All they need is to be loved. And you got that. Everything else will work itself out. To be loved by you is the only mom-requirement. You love your kids (most days) and that is the only universal need.
You are a great mother. Believe it, take a deep breath and believe it.
Now please try to have a wonderful Mother's Day!
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