Friday, August 15, 2014

Shaking My Head


Hi Friends,

This is going to be one of those weird posts where I really have no idea what I am going to say, but I feel a need to communicate with you. Because it's been too long. Even though I have had SO MANY ideas of things to say....for some reason that seems to make me freeze up...and say nuttin'. Makes no sense, but there it is.

Before opening my laptop just now I stepped outside for a bit and took the photo you see above. 

When we walked through this house for the very first time, we had already bought it. Dependent upon a video by my son and the realtor pics, we knew it was to be our new house in our new state. (Moved from CA to TX) 

On that first and only walk-through, I stood in the master bedroom and my hand went to my mouth as I cried upon seeing this swimming pool through the bedroom window. I had seen the pictures, but photos can lie. Today we have been in this home for exactly 28 days...and I am still tearing up as I look at this beautiful swimming pool in MY backyard! 

This entire house fills me with awe and profound thankfulness. There are so many big and small touches that bless me and make me whisper "Thanks Father" throughout the day. 
  • I adore the wood floors that are so warm and cozy and gentle under our feet. 
  • I smile as I close a closet door or a kitchen drawer and it shuts solidly and silently.
  • My heart is blessed to lean over my own bathroom sink...all mine...he has his and I have mine!
  • I take a deep breath and automatically relax when I sit down in the small room that I grandly call "The Library". I am only decorating it with peaceful and contemplative items. My very own writing and reading room. Such extravagance!
  • When we get home from buying groceries, I am giddy as I stow them all away in the expansive pantry closet in our kitchen. PEOPLE, I STILL HAVE EMPTY KITCHEN CUPBOARDS! In our last home, which I LOVED, I called my kitchen cupboards a jigsaw puzzle, because it took skill to find the perfect spot for each thing and patience to get things in and out of the limited cupboard and drawer spaces. Think Jenga.
  • The lovely tile floors in the bathrooms and kitchen and the granite counters make me feel humble to have such lavishness in my life. 
  • I have two empty rooms that will be welcoming guest rooms in the days to come hopefully. We were even surprised to discover a pretty Murphy Bed in one of the guest rooms! 
  • I can easily envision a big rustic farmhouse style table in the now empty dining room. We always eat in front of the TV, but want to have a lot of company and is there anything better than a riveting dinner discussion that goes long beyond the meal? 
  • BUT.....
THE SWIMMING POOL.

I can't really say what it is about having this "concrete pond" for my own. It makes me shake my head in wonder. How can it be? Will I wake up from this? As the bills begin to arrive, are we going to regret what we have done? Is the fun going to go down the drain? 

Years and years ago my husband came home to a couple of garden hoses stretched out in the backyard in the shape of a pool. I had seen an ad in the paper for a free pool! Someone did not want their pool and all we had to do was go get it and dig a hole for it. (It must have been a molded fiberglass thing or something.) It was completely impractical for our yard and lifestyle. BUT I wanted it so badly I could SEE it. It did not happen. It made no sense to do such a thing.

What made my eyes fill with tears when I saw this pool in "person"? This pool is not just your ordinary rectangle concrete hole in the ground filled with water. There is no diving board that would have made me a nervous wreck to have kids near. There is no DEEP deep end. The deepest it gets is 6 feet. I love deep water and have no fear of it for myself. I was always the last one back on the boat when swimming in the ocean. But with family around I want to be able to relax and enjoy our time together. 

But this pool is beautiful and contemplative and serene. It is the kind of pool that leads you to relax and talk to God. It curves, there are no straight lines. The tiles around it are so pretty. They look like old tuscan stepping stones. There is a little waterfall, for goodness sake!! I am shaking my head as I write this out. Serenity....this home leans in that direction a lot, now that I think about it. 

I would have been pleased with an ordinary pool. Not just pleased, but thrilled! I recall sitting on a bench with the Hubs in a dog park in California. He had just said these words..."Well I guess you have to really decide if you want a swimming pool or not. Because that will make a big difference in our house hunt from now on." 

I had not considered it as a serious possibility until he said that to me. I did not give an immediate answer. The upkeep on a pool is a pretty big deal. What if I turned it green and it cost tons of money to fix it? What if it springs a leak or crumbles beneath our feet? Yes, I took some time to think about it. MAYBE three minutes!! Umm YES, I want a pool!

BUT such a pretty and serene pool was not even in the picture. Just having a pool that I could use every single day was a wild fantasy that I thought we had passed somewhere along the way as we aged out of the millionaire possibilities. (At 25 we all think it could happen some day, right?)

Here I am...in a home beyond my dreams...near part of my family...expecting a grandson in a few months...being loved by a hardworking husband...have a goofy dog and a few writing jobs here and there. 

I am happy. I am shaking my head at so much goodness in my life. After some yucky years that included intense sacrifice, food stamps, funerals and hospitals. I am happy. I am shaking my head in wonder. How did I get here? It wasn't anything I did or said. It was not great faith or perseverance on my part. 

But now I have hope....the missing ingredient that makes all the difference in the world. I am looking at this word I have just typed...hope. To follow this stream of thought will make this post much too long, so I will stop here. Hubs just arrived home from work with some flowers to put in the birdbath by the pool. Oh my goodness, this life!!!

Thanks for caring!



By the way, Layla now has free reign of the backyard. Hubs blocked off the potential escape routes and she is no longer on a chain! She is very curious about the pool but has gone no further than this first step you see in the pic. 

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19 comments:

  1. All I can say is, praise God, and enjoy! For whatever reason, God wants you to have this lovely, serene home and pool. Maybe just because He loves you. Maybe because He wants you to know the vastness of His extravagant love for you. Maybe because He knows that someday Dawn and I will come to visit...and we will need your guest rooms and pool...maybe you just need this time "to be still and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10) Again, I say, "Enjoy!!"

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    1. YES, this entire miracle is all about you and Dawn coming for a visit together!! Ha! Of course you and Dawn could never SHARE a room because you would both talk all night!

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  2. Praise God! I am so happy for you. Can't wait to test the Murphy Bed out...although I have no idea what that is...but I am so happy for this bliss you are having. God is really awesome like that. And there are seasons as you know. And each of our seasons is for purposes we may not know, but ultimately He wants us to know His love, in many beautiful ways. He knows exactly how to mete it out- and always it is not meted at all but lavishly poured out. Glad Layla is adjusting and you guys are where you should be...where God wants you- Enjoy the blessing. Love and hugs!

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    1. He is definitely in a lavish mode for me recently! My heart feels so overwhelmed, confused and at the same time bewildered about my reason for being here. The answer will come i am sure. In the meantime, I will just enjoy the blessing!

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  3. Replies
    1. Thank you Lisa. I haven't been to your blog in a while, need to catch up!

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  4. A little slice of Heaven on Earth!

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    1. Yes, it is! Floating on that lovely soft saltwater is simply amazing!

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  5. Your dog is cute standing in the shallow end and thinking, and this house and the pool sound ideal for you.

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    1. It feels like it was made for us. Layla is learning to understand the concept of water. Ha!

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  6. So glad you are enjoying your new home and pool!

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  7. Beyond all you could ask or imagine...that's the way of our God. As my Beve would say, you let your imagination run wild with those hoses all those years ago and God heard the true cry of your heart. Contentment with little and contentment with lavishness. That's the true secret, and you found it. I'm praising Him with you!

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    1. Thank you Jeskmom! Finding contentment was a very hard-won battle over the years that is for sure. In these later years, my heart has found that family is my one true desire and it put everything else into proper perspective.

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  8. Because He delights in giving His children good gifts - that's why you have all this :) And that means some day I will have beachfront property - or move in with Dawn LOL!! J/K - enjoy the blessing.

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    1. LOL! Yes! He does delight in delighting us! Also yes to moving in with Dawn. I am totally sure that she would welcome you with open arms. Just tell her husband that I said so. :)

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  9. I love this beautiful post and am so thrilled about all your blessings. I personally am still in the tougher stages, so this gives me hope. :)

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    1. Shawna, I am so glad it gives you hope. On Monday, I am writing more about hope over at 5 Minutes For Mom. Check it out ok? Love you, hang on! http://faith.5minutesformom.com/

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  10. your current Murphy bed mechanism is often a patented, special EMPLOY device that enables your bed to be able to be easily lifted up into the recess as well as effortlessly pulled straight down in an sleeping position. your current uncomplicated concept of your mechanism is actually more than one hundred several years old. That was invented IN ADDITION TO patented via William L. Murphy in the early 1900s. murphy bed ikea

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