Sunday, October 19, 2014

31 Letters to God | Day 19 - Why God?

The stuff of nightmares, I tell you! (Near my exit.)
 Dear God,

I love my new city, you know I do. I have been babbling on and on about how thankful I am for my gorgeous new home, swimming pool, beautiful scenery and of course my delight at being close to my new grandson. 

Have you and my blog readers been waiting for the complaints to begin? It couldn't ALL be good, could it? 

Since You asked, I am pretty confused about one aspect of this big move we have made to a new state and new city. WHY am I now living in a crazy-busy traffic area when I have always been a fearful driver?

Back in California we lived in a small town with a population of  18,660. I worked in the next biggest town over with a population of 93,899. Sadly, even in those towns I avoided the freeway and always drove on the back roads to get back and forth. If  I had to use the freeway, I prayed for easy merging on and off. 

I'm in the middle of this mess.
 NOW I find myself in a city with a population of  183,372!!! 

The main adjustments that have been tough for me have not been the difference between California and has been the HUGE change from RURAL to URBAN living. This is not a big city as in sky scrapers and such, (though we are only 15 minutes from Dallas and sky scrapers and such) but 183,372 is a LOT OF PEOPLE and a ton of traffic. Shopping is very different, crowds and long lines and even longer drives every where. So not used to this!!

My current exit for home. AACK!!
What am I doing here? Why am I living in my driving nightmare?  You have helped me overcome many deep rooted fears in my life. And I hate to admit that this move has set me back in the driving fear. The normal roads around here seem to suddenly become a freeway with 8 lanes and turns every which way! There is no way to pull over and gather my nerves when I get stressed and panicky. The drivers are very aggressive and fast with no patience for confused newcomers. 

My former exit for home. So simple!
I need You God. I am thankful that my community around my neighborhood provides all I need for food or clothing shopping, libraries, hair salons and even movie theaters. So I can do what I need to do without getting on the dreaded freeways. But I cannot go see my kids and my grandchild by myself. I feel silly and foolish about that, but there it is. At some point I know that I will make myself  take that 30 minute drive on the freeway. It will happen. But for now....nope. Not yet. I know that the visit would be a tense one because I would be conscious of having to make the return trip home. (Really don't know if I am going to hit publish on this vulnerable post.) I wish I were braver.....

CLICK HERE for the full list of Letters to God
I love you Father,
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  1. Susie: I fully understand what you are going through. I prefer not to drive on any interstate except the one at the south end of our town. I am not a chicken but I don't like the fast pace of the traffic. I don't have to use the interstate that often. As I have gotten older, my world has shrunken. I would be just fine living in a rural area like where Hubby comes from. The traffic there is manageable. Most of it here where we live is also manageable.

    1. Thanks Friend, I really don't want my world to shrink, but my lack of driving courage is doing just that.

  2. Traffic is so nerve-wracking! I totally understand where you are coming from.

    1. Thanks Melissa, hard to admit to this wimpy side of me. I appreciate your comment.

  3. This is why it would be SO much better to beam everywhere!

    1. YES Sandi! I say this all the time while riding (and flinching) with Hubs...Where is Scotty when you need him?

  4. Oh my sweet Susie, I am SO sorry you are having to deal with that. I wish there was a magic wand to make it go "presto" up up and away...(I've dreamed of having my own little mini helicopter for years when I would get stuck in traffic...Just lift up and go! I have lived in such places before, and that is probably why we live in the middle of the forest now. I drive over 30 miles one way to work every day, but mostly through woods and see very few cars until the last 10 miles of the way. I will definitely pray for you to overcome your fears, but also that God will bring your world to your doorstep (or closer by) someway. Any chance the kids could move closer to you??? Probably not, but I can pray for a pleasant, happy,unstressful solution. God knows what you need...and He brought you THIS I KNOW He can take you the rest of the way. He may just surprise you at the method He may choose. It will be good. Trust HIM> Every day has brought you new answers to we won't give up on this one... Love you my friend. xoxo

    1. Thank you Pam. Your words give me hope and help dissolve the heaviness of this sill situation. I decided to make the most of the places I CAN drive to, by volunteering at my library and applying for a job at Kohl's store near by.


All comments are good comments!

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