Thursday, November 20, 2014

Do Not Look to Me for Gallant Bravery



I WILL NEVER BE ONE OF THOSE HEROIC SICK PEOPLE who inspire everyone with their lofty goals and cheerful outlook. You know the ones I mean. After a terrible health scare they live life to the fullest and begin to take more risks because YOLO and all that. They take up surfing and high mountain skiing and jump from airplanes. 

On May 1st of this year I spent a few hours in an emergency room following a Mini Stroke or TIA-Transient Ischemic Attack. I then went home and read everything I could find online about this fun episode I had experienced. We do need to do our own research in this day of questionable medical procedures and such, but it can also be extremely scary and overwhelming to read online medical information. 

The main sentences that I saw several times jumped out at me as if highlighted in bright yellow;
  • Average annual incidence of MI (Full Heart Attack) after TIA (Mini stroke) was 0.95%.

  • The average length of time between a first TIA and an MI was 5 years.

  • The risk of having MI after TIA was double compared to the general population (Relative Risk RR was 2.09, with 95% confidence 
The internet was telling me that I was a ticking time bomb!! Did I decide to live life to the fullest and "get out there" and make the most of what I had left? NO, I hunkered down and just wanted to hide under my covers and "never leave my house again." I could see a terrible follow-up heart attack in every day ahead of me. I printed out the address of the hospital I should be taken to and posted it on my refrigerator for future paramedics and family to see. I included important phone numbers and insurance details. (I am good, the "big one" has not happened and most likely will not ever happen. I am fine!)

Not exactly plans to climb Mt. Everest.

Always smiling!
Green antiseptic.
 I do not have the inner optimisms and strength that I saw so clearly in Rocker Son in 2011 when he had to have a steel rod placed in his femur after a terrible motorcycle accident.

He was amazing! He turned his hospital room into a big old party. He joked about having room service, sponge baths and drugs any time he wanted them!

I would have been a blubbering mess.

I KNOW THIS BECAUSE after a few weeks of a bad cough, I am a blubbering, weeping mess who cannot see any light at the end of this cough drop-lemon water-honey tea-Nyquil tunnel daze of days. I am angry at no insurance or doctor. I am grumpy and snarly to my dear Hubs. To top it off, I have not seen my new grandson since November 3rd because I don't want him to get my germs.

Do not look to me for gallant bravery and lofty goals when I get sick. You will not find a broad smile and can-do spirit. You will find a tissue strewn couch and a pity party in full force. You are not invited to this party, you would not like it. Don't feel sorry for me please. That is one thing I CAN-DO on my own.

   

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4 comments:

  1. Oh you are a sweetie and one day soon you will be all better, and see your grand baby again, and enjoy Thanksgiving and all the other goodies that go with being well. I empathize with you about not being heroic or gallant!

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  2. It seems to me that being grumpy is more likely with the simple things like a cold and the flu than with huge things like TIAs and your son's accident. I can handle my chronic pain, I lived through a Cardiac Event but I LOATHE being simply sick with a bad cold. It's just so miserable. Hope you get over it soon...it does seem like it's hung around FAR too long!

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  3. I am feeling very sorry for you right now. I don't want you to be sick and not be able to enjoy your brand new grandson (first ever brand new grandchild). I want you to enjoy your home and family and doggy...and all of us, your friends out here in cyberspace. So, I am saying some prayers for your complete recovery...and soon!!! Enough of this stuff! We want you back smiling and sweet and perky...not grumpy and sick and unhappy. Truly, I am selfish...I want you well, and now, doggone it! Enough of this! Okay? Is anyone listening up there? Seriously, praying now. We love you.

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  4. OH, pooh! Hope you feel better and you can pray lots while you rest...and watch my latest video for entertainment. I promise you will love it. And then pray for me as I am heading to New Jersey for weekend...Love and smiles. Layla looks pretty content.

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