Friday, March 6, 2015

RJD | I Almost Chickened Out of This One

This recovering church lady did a really dumb thing today. I randomly opened a journal for Random Journal Day and found myself reading these words...

"You are MY woman of God." I thanked Him for saying that to me tonight and I mulled it over. 

It was a beautiful thing to hear from Him, humbling and encouraging.
But not enough, (arrogant much?) so I asked, "If that is true, why don't I FEEL  strong and full of authority? Please will you anoint me and imbue (church lady language, Haha!) me with power to minister to others?" 

God answered , "It is not you or your authority that ministers to people, it is Me and My authority. You must only trust that you are My woman of God." 

This conversation was overwhelming and humbling. I cried and cried and tried to hear anything more He would say to me." 

Opening my journal was not the dumb thing that I did. That came next. I googled this question..."Does God speak to people today?"

Why did I do that? Because I am afraid of making waves, causing controversy or inviting ridicule...mostly that last one I think. I already know the answer from my own experience. I recognize that quiet voice in my head and my heart. I know when the words I am "hearing" are not my own. It is a humbling and delightful thing. 

The google list was scary, depressing and kind of awful. A summarization would be: After all, if we accept that anyone can hear from God in this day and age, it will lead to leaders of mass suicides, terrorists and murderers who all say that "God told them" to do it. 

So I hesitated and considered choosing a different journal page to write about. BUT, I have not changed my mind about the subject at all. I have dropped a lot of my old stuff from my church lady days. These would include being judgmental of others and a goofy fear of sinning accidentally. 

Still, one of the beliefs that I have NOT dropped is that God is still talking to people today. He has spoken to me more than once...The first BIG ONE was while I was reading an abusive letter from a boyfriend. I "heard" God say, "You do not deserve this treatment." I KNEW immediately that this thought was not my own because I did not believe that about myself at all.  I broke off my engagement to that boyfriend that night. Only the voice of God could have opened my eyes to that negative relationship. 

It had to be God. 

We cannot allow the majority to decide our beliefs. Going to google helped me know what is being said by others, but the majority can be wrong. We must walk our own truth. While I am open to new thoughts, opinions and views, I also must be strong enough to stand by what I have figured out for myself. 

I have to trust  that I know what I know. That I heard what I heard and felt what I felt. 

So... I have not even touched on the awesome message that He gave me that day. That I do not have to FEEL strong to BE strong. That we can carry His power and authority by simply trusting that we are His. That YOU are His. How cool is that? 

Enjoyed my first time living in snow! Kinda magical!

This was Layla's preferred view of the white stuff. 


Sadly, I don't think Irving is going to make it after all. :( 
Random Journal Day Link-Up!
Now hop on over to the Random Journal Day Link Up to read other journal-keepers secret thoughts. So fun!
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  1. Oh, yes! I totally agree that God speaks to us...I may not "hear" Him speak to me; but He may be through the voice of another; or the words of a song; or the scripture I may be reading; or even in the words of a fellow blogger! Yes, He totally speaks to us!!!

    Thank you for sharing these words - oh, and I too would go to google or pinterest or somewhere to see what "others" have to say about something; but in the end, we make our decisions - based on what we know...and WHO we know!!

    1. God speaks in many ways. And I want to hear them all!

  2. I'm glad you didn't chicken out and you ended up sharing this! Thank you for sharing your words with the Random Journal Keeper community!

    I love this part - "Only the voice of God could have opened my eyes to that negative relationship.

    It had to be God." You are so right my friend. xoxo Joy

  3. I LOVE this so much, Susie. Love that He spoke to you. Love that you're human enough to google it. Love that He reminded you of His truth, the Truth you always get back to. He speaks to me so much the same way and sometimes I feel weird saying so. But then I think how weird it would be if He didn't. If the One who loves me most DIDN'T speak. It isn't about you or me or any of us, but Him and how much He loves us. And wow, that our authority rests on HIS authority.

    1. Yeah it would be weird if He did not speak today wouldn't it? But much easier and safer for many I suppose.

  4. Great journal selection and I am glad you were brave enough to share such an intimate conversation. It is His call to BE, and leave the rest to Him. Feeling our weakness IS His power. Listening for His Voice today . . . Don't want to leave home without it!

    1. Thanks for coming by Miss Kathy. I am listening today too.

  5. This really ministered to me today. Thanks!

  6. I am so sad, I just wrote out an extremely long response via my tablet and basically pressed publish and watched it disappear never to be seen again...ugh.

    OK- this will not be as good, but here we go...WHo is Irving?

    And we need to share or stories of God as He allows us to live them. If we don't who will? THis is so not as good as my first comment, but it will have to suffice. Sorry. ;')


    2. Irving is my 26 yr old Ivy plant. :(
      I am so sad that your comment went away, love a great Dawn comment!

  7. Sorry to hear about Irving. He just got tired. 26 yrs. is QUITE a lifetime for an ivy plant! RIP Irving.
    Now, back to the real post...I am SO glad you didn't chicken out on this one! This one is so great...I love seeing in your own handwriting your "conversation" with God as it happened. I totally understand this whole you were feeling...and how God responded...and how you feel today...and how God overruled your hesitancy. We NEEDED this message today! Thank you my sweet friend.
    Oh, glad you are enjoying your first real snow days. Spring isn't too far away, and it will be so much sweeter because you've endured winter. I think heaven will be a lot like that too...much sweeter because we've endured life on earth and persevered in spite of everything that could have dragged us down. Love having you in my life dear "Recovering Church Lady"!

    1. Yikes, my handwriting has always been so awful. Gave up cursive years ago and my printing is not much better. Oh well.
      I'm glad the message came through. One of my fav things about RJD is the chance to come across a moment like this, that I had totally forgotten. Can you imagine FORGETTING a time that God talked to you? Yay for journaling, huh?
      Thanks for commenting dear Pam!

  8. I don't have a journal, but I'm glad you shared YOURS today.

    1. Hi Anna, thanks for coming by! Your beautiful blog is your journal though isn't it? In some ways everything we blog would have been a blog entry if all were journal keepers. Your trip was amazing!

  9. Susie- I am finally getting back to reading all the RJD posts! And so glad I came by...God does speak to us and I love how you have a record of his interactions with you in your journal...and the reminder that we don't have to agree with the majority is so freeing. Thanks for being true to you and God!


All comments are good comments!

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